Don't Deliver Us From Evil (1971)

Caution: Spoilers Galore

Shipped off to religious boarding school by parents who ignored them, budding young women Anne de Boissy (Jeanne Goupil) and Lore Fournier (Catherine Wagener) became the closest of friends. Each night while in the convent, they would secretly share Anne's bed to read steamy passages together underneath the sheets. They exploited every opportunity afforded them to do wrong. Things they liked to do for fun included breaking rules, mocking Christianity, torturing pets, composing dark literature, and leading men into temptation. Together, they were preparing a very special ceremony to renounce Christ, and commit their lives to doing evil.

"Lore and me get such pleasure when we do
something wrong. To sin has become our chief aim.
Let the other idiots live their lives doing good.
We shall dedicate our lives to Satan, our Lord and Master."

As one might expect, all Hell breaks loose when Anne's parents, the Count and Countess, go away for the summer, leaving Anne all alone in the chateau, but for a few servants. Satan's willing, young slaves use this time to engage in some of their favourite pastimes, like arson, and leading even more men into temptation.

The beautiful Lore uses her god-given attributes to drive unsuspecting gents into a state of mad lust. Ample servings of sleaze follow the girls through several uncomfortable encounters of coerced near-rape for the purposes of fulfilling their Satanic mantra. What truly shook the foundations of this particular viewer was the way in which the diabolical duo leaped from one dangerously evil venture to another with blatant disregard for even their own personal safety. Clearly, these young women were not merely playing at evil. They were ready to give their very lives for it.

Ultimately, their summer of reckless abandon catches up with them. Lore breaks down before her friend, admitting that she is afraid of being caught, imprisoned, and separated from Anne. The dark, exotic beauty reassures the delicate, sobbing blonde that they will never be parted.

"When this fleeting life is done,
we will be together forever."

Mais ne Nous Délivrez Pas du Mal (Don't Deliver Us from Evil) is a taught, sleazy horror drama from French writer/director Joël Séria, based loosely on the notoriously fatal friendship of Pauline Parker and Juliet Hulme. The pair made shocking headlines in 1954 when they murdered Parker's mother after making plans to escape to the United States to work together in literature and film. Parker and Hulme's bizarre escapades were detailed in the Academy Award-winning Peter Jackson film Heavenly Creatures.

Although the American Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has yet to recognize Séria's efforts in re-telling the story with a Satanic twist, Don't Deliver Us from Evil is a certified cult cinema classic, brought back to life (with subtitles!) by the good folks at Mondo Macabro. Many thanks to Karswell for contributing this titillating title to the Killer Kittens library!

5/5 Kitty Skulls = I think I just came!

Hello Frankenstein

The short film that answers the age old question:
"What if cats made the movie Frankenstein?"

Little Green Dog (ironic, isn't it?) put together this dreadfully cute short film based on Mary Shelley's classic tale of the tragic consequences which arose from a scientists aspiration to blur the lines between life and death.

D.R. Greenlaw and Alisa Loren Klein have lent their artistic abilities to the following projects you may have heard of (if you haven't, you might as well just shoot yourself in the face right now, for you are beyond help): Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, X-Men, and Pan's Labyrinth.

The Devil's Nightmare (1974)

Caution: Spoilers Galore

Jean Brismée's La Plus Longue Nuit du Diable (The Devil's Nightmare) opens in Nazi Germany, with a birth and a baby killing. Baron Von Rhoneberg (Jean Servais) pulls a dagger from its sheath, and skewers his daughter within minutes of her birth. With a great war raging over land, sea, and sky, I suppose he figured nobody would notice the execution of just one baby.

The viewer time-travels to present day 1974. A group of seven impossibly-linked travelers are forced to spend the night in Von Rhoneberg's gothic castle due to a blockage of the main road. The tourists are a diverse lot. Father Alvin Sorel (Jacques Monseau) is a handsome priest with an honourable dedication to the virtues of the cross, and an admirable resistance of the pleasures of the flesh. Howard and Nancy are an unhappily married couple, bound together by money rather than any sort of romantic feelings toward one another. Erotic tension is provided by Regine (the Blonde Bombshell) and Corinne (the Brunette Bimbo), a pair of strikingly-beautiful girls with decidedly lesbionic tendencies. Mason is a formidably un-sexy, bespectacled old geezer, and rounding out the bottom of the barrel is Ducha, a greasy sweatball in a cheap suit.

Upon arrival at the castle, Nazi Lurch shows the guests to their rooms, taking great care to make them aware of the "gruesome stories" attached to each one. Evidently, Von Rhoneberg's staff have much to learn about running a successful bed and breakfast!

A beautiful, auburn-haired woman named Lisa Müller (Erika Blanc) arrives late to the castle, asking to be put up for the night. By the way the Von Rhoneberg's servant greets her, the viewer is left with the impression that the lovely Lisa has some sort of history with the Baron. She changes into her best floor-length gown with the stomach cut out, and joins the rest of the guests for dinner. All points considered, Lisa seems the perfect candidate to fulfill the Von Rhoneberg Curse of the Succubus that the Baron not-so-subtly mentioned to his house guests earlier.

Demons that adopt feminine appearances
in order to seduce men and lead them to perdition.

For the architecture nuts out there, here are a few neat-o features the old castle boasted. Talk about well-appointed!

• a nifty alchemy lab in the basement (which the Baron uses to seek out "philosophical truths," and also to make gold)
  
• a tortured cat in the attic
  
• a sarcophagus (which functions suspiciously like an iron maiden)
  
• a guillotine
  
• wallpaper that matched the bedspread (in every room)

When the castle guests retire to their rooms for the night is when the fun really begins! Lisa the Succubus (or Lisabus, if you will) focuses her attention on the dashing, young priest. I suspect the soul of a clergyman fetches a much higher price in Hell than that of an Everyday Joe. Showing impeccable control over both his mind and his sex organs, Father Sorel resists temptation. Lisabus will have to return later to make a second attempt at Seduction of the Innocent...

Can't you talk about anything else, besides succubuses?

Seduction of the Fab Slob, Seduction of the Married Douche, and Seduction of the Brunette Bimbo go a lot more smoothly for Lisabus. The Slob consumes one too many glasses of poisonous demon wine. The Douche and the Brunette Bimbo sneak off to find a quiet place to fornicate, and instead wind up losing a battle to the guillotine and the iron maiden, respectively. Mrs. Douche's greed for the Baron's gold leads to her untimely demise, and the Geezer, being a geezer, can only run so fast. Meanwhile, Blondie's see-thru nightie is no match for the massive python conjured by Lisabus!

This is a very weird castle... Very weird, indeed!

Father Sorel finally sees Lisabus for what she truly is, in the midst of a steamy, slow-strip seduction sequence. Perhaps if he kisses his rosary an appropriate number of times, and thrusts it at the demon just so...?

The Devil's Nightmare is a shining example of what a Satano-themed 1970's cult film should be. Briskly paced, brilliantly scored, and remarkably well acted, this Belgian-Italian co-production delivers the very best in late-night horror delight. Even the Devil himself (Daniel Emilfork) drops by to join in the fun and frolic! I proudly submit The Devil's Nightmare as my 100th post.

5/5 Kitty Skulls = I think I just came!

B-Movie Bags

Having a hard time finding a handbag to match your patent leather railroad spike heels? Have no fear, for B-Movie Bags is here!

Freelance artist extraordinaire Julia Griffin has assembled an impressive catalog of one of a kind, hand-painted handbags, hell-bent on solving your most pressing fashion dilemmas! Do yourself a solid, and check out her array of functional B-Movie masterpieces, featuring artwork from: The Bride of Frankenstein, The Creature From the Black Lagoon, Nosferatu, and MORE!

Paranormal Activity (2009)

Dear Katie and Micah:

Quit your blubbering. I've seen more harrowing hauntings on my local public
access channel. Seriously!

Sincerely,

Kitty LeClaw


I thought I would have learned my lesson by now. Never, never, never, never, ever buy into the hype. I'm also making a mental note to stop buying tickets. I'd much rather take my chances with the 15 year old usher than shell out another precious, Canadian dollar on disappointing film fare. This kind of crap is the reason why video piracy is so rampant. To be totally honest, I'm not even sure Paranormal Activity is worth the cost of a blank DVD.

Just because it was shot on a handi-cam, does't make it real. I thought the trick worked for The Blair Witch Project, because at the time, it was a new trick. Film something really cheaply, call it "footage," and wait for the big budget release. As much as TBWP has been shat upon in recent years, I still feel that everyone involved did a commendable job in getting the viewer to believe they were being treated to a unique experiment in voyeurism. At times, I really did feel as though I was watching home movies of Heather, Mike, and Josh being hunted by a dark presence in the woods.

Did I believe that Katie and Micah were really being terrorized in their home by a demonic entity? Absolutely not. Now that I have seen Paranormal Activity, the only thing I can say about it with any certainty is that Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat should have been left to rot in whatever cut-rate acting school the production team busted them loose from. So, how did I make it through night after night after night of watching them wake up every time something went "bump," only to fall right back asleep? Popcorn. My local theatre makes really killer popcorn.

Almost from the very beginning, I saw this movie as little more than an attempt to cash in on the success of A&E's popular series Paranormal State. I've actually seen creepier hauntings featured on that show, and it never causes me to suffer any longer than an hour. The only thing missing was Ryan's weekly refrain: "In the name of Jesus Christ -- demon be gone!"

For the life of me, I can't figure out why people got so excited about watching two people sleep for 86 minutes, especially given the fact that Katie never once unleashed those powerful sweater puppets of hers. If you're really that anxious to give away your money, give it to me, and I'll come to your house and slam all the doors you can handle.

2/5 Kitty Skulls = This movie should have been aborted in the first trimester.