Warlock Moon (1975)

Caution: Spoilers Galore

When college student Jenny Macallister (Laurie Walters) is comically accosted by an oddball wearing a disguise and speaking in a bizarre accent, she should have just walked away. Perhaps finding his schtick amusing, she sticks around long enough to allow him to propose that they go on a picnic together. In a brown paper bag, he's got a jug of wine, a load of bananas, and a piece of bread. What more could a girl ask for?

After some hesitation, Jenny decides to go with the effervescent John Devers (Joe Spano) out to a deserted spa, located 5 miles or so past the middle of nowhere. John seems like a regular guy, and can't really be blamed for wanting to get Jenny alone. After all, she's a beautiful girl in the prime of her life, and she's not wearing a bra. Soon, however, the pair discover that they are not alone when they encounter a fiesty, old crone, who appears to be squatting in the abandoned Soda Spring Spa spa.

The hag introduces herself as Agnes Abercrombie (Edna MacAfee), and provides them with a convenient history of the place over a hot cup of hypno-tea. Before long, Jenny is hearing voices and feeling dizzy. She stays back to rest while John and Mrs. Abercrombie explore the rest of the old spa.




The strange voices, and quick-moving figures she sees at the edge of her sight lead her on an exploratory mission of her own. By and by, she comes to understand that not everything at the Soda Spring Spa is quite as it seems. Jenny is glad when they finally get back into John's car and head back into the city. She never wants to return.

A few days later, John displays his unconventional personality once again when appears out of nowhere, and pounces on an unsuspecting Jenny while she is relaxing alone in a park. Although she is wearing a powerfully awesome poncho, she is unable to resist his allure as he begs her to return with him once again to the Soda Spring Spa. He explains to her that he is a journalist, and has been given the opportunity to write a story about the strange and fascinating place. After a pinch of whining, Jenny gives in to his request. The date is set.

Jenny arrives first to the spa the next day, and has the opportunity to engage in a most enlightening conversation with an old hunter (who just happens to be lurking about outside). After he almost blows her head off, the jowly, old man regales her with a frightening tale in which the former cook of the Soda Spring Spa cooked the hotel owner's daughter and served her to the guests at a lavish banquet. Heavy shit.



Heavier still: the old man promptly gets cut down by an axe-wielding maniac promptly following his exchange with Jenny. Perhaps in the next life, he won't be so forthcoming with his cannibalistic conspiracy theories?

John finally shows up at the spa, which for poor Jenny means more of Mrs. Abercrombie's hypno-tea. Then come more the weird voices, which compel her to explore dark places filled with high-speed ghosts and axe-grinding madmen. Jenny is being hunted... for the bizarre, sadistic practices of a blood cult!!!

She must die between midnight and six
in the morning, not a second before or after...

Most importantly, the circle.
She must enter it without us forcing her.

Not entirely surprisingly, John is in on it with the crone. The Axeman and his equally-psychotic buddy, Longhair, serve as "overanxious" helpers. Does the wily Jenny have what it takes to escape the evil Mrs. Abercrombie and her cronies..?

Warlock Moon shares an "eerily similar" plot the wildly-popular Tobe Hooper film, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. In his Media Blasters DVD forward, Joe Bob Briggs alludes to some "polite thievery" which may have occurred surrounding the two films, which were released within months of each other. In the end, an axe-wielding maniac is marginally less frightening than a chainsaw-wielding maniac, and in like fashion, one film flopped while the other made movie history.

It's a shame that Warlock Moon (aka Bloody Spa) ultimately failed to reach it's audience. Killer Kittens From Beyond The Grave thinks it's a fab frightener, most deserving of a trip to a rental joint near you!




4/5 Kitty Skulls = Video Cocaine!

Happy Halloween!

Killer Kittens From Beyond The Grave would like to wish all the spooky kittens out there a safe and happy Halloween...

Light the lanterns, conjure well, and don't forget the candy!

The 9 Tragic Suicides of Hello Kitty

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"Before police could break down the door to her bedroom where she had barricaded herself, Hello Kitty took her own life using her custom pink Remington Model 1100 shotgun. Hello Kitty was pronounced dead on the morning of August 30th 2003 at 12:52 am."

A random game of Google Image Search led me to this charming series, The 9 Tragic Suicides of Hello Kitty, by Los Angeles artist Thom Foolery. All the classic self-obliteration methods are included: from hanging, to drowning, to everybody's favourite -- electrocution! Each "suicide" scene is supported by a detailed account of poor Hello Kitty's demise.

It would have been nice to have seen Death by Stereo included here, but alas, kitties only have but 9 lives.

The Pig is Dead: Susan Atkins Expires at 60

Manson Family member and murderess Susan Denise Atkins (aka Sadie Mae Glutz) succumbed to brain cancer late Thursday, September 24, 2009. Denied her last chance at parole on September 2, Atkins had been incarcerated longer than any other female in the state of California at the time of her passing. Although Susan was originally sentenced to death, her sentence was commuted to life in prison when the United States Supreme Court temporarily outlawed capital punishment in the 1970's.

Sadie Mae Glutz claimed to have found redemption in Christianity. With the help of her husband, attorney James Whitehouse, Atkins recited religious verse at her September, 2009 parole hearing. In spite of her best efforts to appear remorseful, reformed, Atkins remained one of the world's most hated women. Appearing before a parole board in 2000, she stated: "I don't have to just make amends to the victims and families, I have to make amends to society. I sinned against God and everything this country stands for." Her last publicly-spoken words before her death: "My God is an amazing God."

Unfortunately, God must have been on vacation when Atkins and other Manson Family cronies brutally murdered actress Sharon Tate and her unborn son Paul Polanski, along with Jay Sebring, Abigail Folger, Voityck Frykowsky, Steven Parent, Leno LaBianca, Rosemary LaBianca, and Gary Hinman.

"I don't know how many times I stabbed (Tate),
and I don't know why I stabbed her.
She kept begging and pleading,
and begging and pleading,
and I got sick of listening to it, so I stabbed her."

Susan was born on May 7, 1948 in Los Angeles. The runaway teenager met Charles Manson while living in a commune in the Haight Ashbury district. Manson re-named her Sadie Mae Glutz, and helped deliver her baby after she became pregnant by one of the other "family" members. He named the child (a boy) Zezozose Zadfrack. To date, the child's whereabouts are unknown.

Since her incarceration, Atkins married twice: once to an eccentric Texas millionaire, and then to Whitehouse, who, in spite of his obvious mental issues, graduated from the ultra-prestigious Harvard Law School. Before Atkins died, Whitehouse served as one of her attorneys.

Rest in pieces, Susan (one of her legs was amputated for medical reasons -- did I forget to mention that?). I hope your brain cancer was delicious!

Susan Atkins with her husband at September, 2009 parole hearing

Ouija Cat, Ouija Cat

Morrissey made him do it!

Actually, Jack had a beef with Morris the Cat I - IIX,
and wanted to get them on the horn to sort it out.

Soylent White

Soylent White is... delicious!!! Oh, and it may or may not also be made out of people.

To make your own Soylent White, you need to get out your instructions for making Pina Coladas. Or, you can follow these handy directions here:

• Pour 1 cup of Pina Colada mix (I used Mr. & Mrs. T, but I'm sure they are all pretty much the same) into a blender.
  
  
• Add 1-2 cups of ice (depending upon how much of a "slushy" mood you happen to be in) to the very same blender.
  
  
• Add 2-4 ounces of white rum (I like Bacardi, probably because of their cool bat logo) to the coconutty/icy mixture.
  
  
• Blendus maximus.

Now, you have yourself a fine Pina Colada. But we're not making Pina Coladas. We're making Soylent White.

To complete the recipe for Soylent White, you simply need to:

• Add people.
  
  
• Pour into a fun glass that looks like it could be easily tipped over.
  
  
• Enjoy!

Oh, and here's some further information about that other
concoction you may have heard of.
I think they're calling it Soylent Green?

Ouija Board, Ouija Board

Ouija board, would you work for me?
I have got to say hello to an old friend

Ouija board, ouija board, ouija board
Would you work for me?
I have got to get through to a good friend
Well, she has now gone from this unhappy planet
With all the carnivores and the destructors of it

Ouija board, ouija board, ouija board
Would you help me?
Because I still do feel so horribly lonely

Would you, ouija board?
Would you, ouija board?
Would you help me?
And I just can't find my place in this world



She has now gone from this unhappy planet
With all the carnivores
And the destructors of it

Oh hear my voice

Oh hear my voice
Hear my voice
Hear my voice
The table is rumbling
The table is rumbling
The glass is moving
No, I was not pushing that time
It spells : S.T.E.V.E.N.

The table is rumbling
The glass is moving
No, I was not pushing that time
P.U.S.H.O. double F.




Well, she has now gone
From this unhappy planet
With all the carnivores
And the destructors of it



Morrissey's Ouija Board, Ouija Board

Neil Gaiman's Coraline

As is often the case, the book was far superior to the movie. While brilliantly animated (and presented in 3-D), Director Henry Selick's 2009 release of Coraline failed to capture the essence of the masterfully-crafted story by Neil Gaiman. In spite of the valiant efforts of powerkid Dakota Fanning, and the "Desperate" Teri Hatcher, the film fell flat for me, even before I had something to compare it to.


While Selick's screenplay left me feeling as though adults had toiled feverishly in order to appeal to a child-like perspective, Gaiman's original work effortlessly transported me to a sacred place of wonder and amazement, often only inhabited by the very young and imaginative. In my humble opinion, there is almost nothing worse than grown-ups who bend over backward in order to appear "cool" to the younger generation. Either you're cool or you aren't -- and if you aren't, no amount of research on playground lingo can help you. Fortunately for all the readers out there, young and not-so-young, Neil Gaiman is incredibly cool.



Neil Gaiman is also incredibly English. Although he now lives in the United States, much of his work is full of delicious British colloquialisms, and overall, bears a decidedly English flavour. When I read his work, I imagine everyone speaking like Oliver Twist, even before I've been instructed by the author to do so. Unfortunately, none of this flavour comes through in the motion picture, as the production was highly Americanized in order to appeal to wallets of the west. Teri Hatcher couldn't have produced a believable British accent if her parents were Winston Churchill and Margaret Thatcher!



Interspersed throughout the book's 162 pages is a collection of illustrations by Dave McKean. The drawings are not what one would normally expect to find within a children's book, which is much of what makes them so incredible. Rendered in a ragged, sketchy style, many of the images are downright frightening -- perfect accompaniments to Gaiman's enchanting tale of secret doors, lost children, and a fearsomely-wicked woman. One thousand heartfelt thank-you's to Karswell for gifting me with this delightfully-quirky book!

"We are small but we are many
We are many we are small
We were here before you rose
We will be here when you fall..."

The Stalking Doom (1954)

When Derek Layne's wealthy aunt Clara cuts him off for being a booze-swilling disappointment, the young actor decides to speed up the old woman's death clock and cash in on the inheritance she has promised him. What Derek fails to factor into his murderous plan is the spinster's cat, Saki, who is sworn to protect her mistress -- even from beyond the grave!

This purrrfect paralyzer, courtesy of the Karswell longboxes, comes from Amazing Ghost Stories #15, published in December, 1954. Be sure to savour the surprise ending! Rock!

Wherever Derek turns, the cat's blazing eyes haunt him...
He knows Saki is stalking him...
Awaiting the moment of revenge...

Cauldron: Brewing Pure Canadian Metal

Cauldron Live @ BarNone
August 15, 2009
Kingston, Ontario

One of the coolest live metal shows I ever witnessed featured dueling guitarists who traded instruments in the midst of a face-melting riff. The band was Goat Horn, and their t-shirt design (comprised of a one-horned goat inside a pentagram) summed up the spirit of the band better than any rock reviewer ever could.

Fast-forwarding a couple of years: Goat Horn has split up, and bassist/lead vocalist Jason Decay is now touring with Cauldron, along with bandmates Ian Kilpatrick (guitar), and Chris Rites (drums, replacing Al Chambers, who is now playing with Toxic Holocaust).

So, how does Cauldron compare to Goat Horn? T-shirt designs aren't quite as cool, but the solos are better, even without the slick switch-up. The feathered mullets, snakeskin guitar inlay, and black-and-white high-top sneakers will have you convinced you just stepped into a time machine bound for 1985.

Dio rules!

Tapestry (タペストリー)

I sincerely hope you didn't eat too much Meow Mix for breakfast this morning, as I have a special, Friday treat! After spending the last eight minutes and fifty-three seconds in dumbfounded awe of this beautifully visceral piece of YouTube meat, I found myself overwhelmed by the compulsion to share it with cat fanciers here at Killer Kittens From Beyond The Grave.

Tapestry (タペストリー) is an animated horror short, brilliantly crafted by illustrator/animator Kenny Wynne, dealing with: "the issues of war, peace and the effects they have on one person's mind." Admittedly, it was the collection of sinister pussycats which completely sold me on this stunning example of video art.

Watch as your future is torn to shreds!

Brenda Ann Spencer: "The silicon chip inside her head gets switched to overload..."

Brenda Ann Spencer fired 36 rounds from a semi-automatic rifle through her bedroom window at a bustling schoolyard on January 29, 1979. Her shooting spree left two adults dead, and another nine people wounded (eight of them children). The rifle had been a Christmas present from her father, Wallace Spencer.

Amid the six and a half hour standoff, which eventually led to her arrest, she was asked what had compelled her to do such an unfathomably horrible thing. Young Brenda, only 16 years old at the time of the shootings, provided an equally horrifying response: "I don't like Mondays. This livens up the day."

Like many people my age, my first exposure to the life and crimes of Brenda Ann Spencer came courtesy of the highly popularized song by The Boomtown Rats. Singer/songwriter Bob Geldof had been in the midst of giving a radio interview when news of the tragedy came through on a Telex machine. Although the song has become a Monday morning radio classic across the globe, it is important to remember that it all began with a messed-up young woman, a telescopic rifle, and the haunting phrase which has since become ensconced in popular culture.

Today (August 13, 2009), Brenda Ann Spencer will sit before a roomful of legal officials as she has a number of times before, to request parole from the California Institution for Women, where she has been incarcerated for the last 3 decades.

While Brenda has, in recent years, provided a somewhat clearer explanation for her terrible crimes than her initial 'Mondays' claim, it doesn't look like this broad is getting out of the Big House any time in the near future. Still very clearly detatched from what she did on that frosty morning back in '79, she claims to remember very little about what transpired that day, and nothing at all about the actual shootings. "I don't remember, but I'm sure that I did it."

Update (08/13/09 @ 10:15 PM): Sorry, Brenda -- looks like you'll be eating fruit cocktail for at least another decade. Better luck next time.

• Channel 6 (San Diego, California): Parole Denied to Female School Shooter
  
  

The silicon chip inside her head
Gets switched to overload
And nobody’s gonna go to school today
She’s gonna make them stay at home
And daddy doesn’t understand it
He always said she was good as gold
And he can see no reasons
Cos there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?

YouTube Links

Brenda Ann Spencer School Shootings Part 1
Brenda Ann Spencer School Shootings Part 2
Brenda Ann Spencer School Shootings Part 3
Brenda Ann Spencer School Shootings Part 4
Brenda Ann Spencer School Shootings Part 5

Jucifer... Live.

Warning: This Show is NOT Suitable for Epileptics

The first time I saw Jucifer play, I was astounded. Going on the advice of a couple of friends who said I "had to" see them live, I conducted none of my own research, and therefore had no idea what to expect. I was completely unprepared. In retrospect, I should have taken along earplugs, sunglasses, and a sturdy chair to steady myself against.

Backed by a retina-dazzling light show, and a literal "wall of sound," Jucifer is comprised of lead vocalist/guitar virtuosa Amber Valentine, and psychopathic beat monger Edgar Livengood. At first glance, the pair appear to be almost certainly insane. Upon second glance, all suspicions are confirmed.

Their songs were brilliantly woven into one massive orchestral noise arrangement, thus sparing their audience the trouble of deciding how best to react to something so frightfully moving. Somehow, applause does not seem appropriate. Valentine and Livengood storm through their set, each of them completely lost in the gruelling performance. Guitar Girl Goddess Valentine twists, leaps, and writhes (in a dress and heels), while Livengood engages in a heated verbal exchange with an unseen antagonist as he beats his drum kit with his bare fists. Clearly, this is some wild, heavy shit.

Jucifer's performance is an art which eludes capture, as their studio recordings bear little resemblance to the live experience. As the Jucifer.com bio proclaims: "See them while you can still get close enough to be spit on." Just be sure to bring your earplugs. And sunglasses. And a sturdy chair to steady yourself against.

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Jucifer Live in North Carolina (January, 2009)