Devil Master (aka The Demon Lover) [1977]

Caution: Spoilers Galore

"You are one, one with him whose name is unspeakable;
whose power is unimaginable. Rise!"

A guy (Christmas Robbins) doing a bloated impersonation of Metallica's James Hetfield uses the Powers of Hell to lure pretty, young virgins into his coven. His name, ironically enough, is Laval Blessing. He's a man who knows where he's going, and he'll have what he needs to get there. What blonde, beautiful, pure as the driven snow Pamela doesn't know is that what she refuses to give Laval will be brutally taken without her permission.

"There's nothing disgusting about it! Why are you so damn
hung up on the retarded morality of that world out there?"

Laval is losing control over his unruly coven, who seem to think that the meetings are more about booze and sex than about magick. They are unable to focus their energies. The unwilling virgin and her close-minded boyfriend are running amok, and causing dissention in the group. Laval mixes up a potion, says some magic words, and conjures a demon to seek revenge on the defectors.

Later that same night, Pamela awakens from a sound sleep, and is led into the woods by a powerful, supernatural force. After a considerable amount of time spent staggering around in the darkness clad in a near-sheer nightie, the young girl is clawed to pieces by a red-eyed beast with stragly hair, and massive talons.

"It's a dead body, Pete! Just like on TV!"

When the cops come sniffing around about the brutal slaying of the virginal Pamela, the coven members suspect their leader, Laval, may be involved somehow. After all, "he's real heavy into black magick." Rest assured, the plume-haired messiah and the plasticine demon he's conjured will make each one of them pay for their infidelities!

Detective Tom Frazetta (Tom Hutton) goes with his wife to a metaphysical group meeting in order to better inform himself on the topic of black magic and ritual murder, as he suspects that some weirdo who is into that kind of "hocus pocus" may be responsible for the vicious killings. Enter Professor Peckinpah (Gunnar Hansen), expert on all things strange and unusual (including, but not limited to, chainsaw massacres).

"I wanna know about these strange cults
with high priests, and black magic weirdos that
kill people in possible blood rituals."

Local police receive a tip from one of the ex coven members, the viewer is treated to a nauseating, back-and-forth exchange while Frazetta confronts Laval about Pamela's disappearance. It's painful, and not unlike watching a ping pong match!

After Laval finishes with the Detective, he heads to the local dojo to work on his karate. If the point of this segment was to show the antagonist's fighting prowess, the director has failed miserably. Laval lumbers through a set of movements with a number of sparring partners, until finally having his balls kicked in (literally!) by the sensai. Moments later, however, the hulking long-hair opens a bonus-size can of whoop ass on what appears to be an Ugly Convention. A very poorly choreographed, Royal Rumble-style bar fight ensues.

Hopped up on punchin', and bent on revenge, Laval sends his demon for the rest of the dumb broads that deserted his coven. The fuzzy-pawed devil interrupts an impromptu, girl-on-girl (on girl!) shaving cream fight/wrestling match, a scene which definitely takes top prize in the Most Inconvenient Satanic Slaying category.

One of the girls manages to temporarily escape while the demon is busy manually stimulating her friend, but she is later discovered by The Guys, all prepped for serving like a holiday ham. The stage is set. The stimulated girl, as she lay dying, uttered the name "Laval." The Guys decide to seek out the vengeful sorcerer at his "castle" in the woods. Detective Frazetta is on his way there, too.

Laval decides to mix it up a bit with respect to what he has in store for The Guys. Upon entering the castle, the men are driven mad by an unseen demon. Entranced, they begin stabbing themselves, stabbing one another, and there's even a crossbow thrown in for good measure. Cue Detective Frazetta!

Frazetta hauls his sweet, plaid slacks into the castle just as Laval's demon is laying waste to the last of the deserters. Proving that you can never trust a demon, the creature uses his conjurer as a human shield in an attempt to avoid the Detective's gunfire. Frazetta finally sinks a bullet, and then another, into the scaly chest of the rummage sale devil, and it evaporates into a convenient smoke screen.

Please don't let my lengthy, involved review of DEVIL MASTER fool you: it is not a good movie. It is, in fact, very, very, very bad. The writing is terrible, the direction even worse, and features what is quite possibly the worst cast of characters ever committed to film. Furthermore, it looks like it was put together by a blind man: think saturated, high-contrast colours, for that high school A/V project effect. Seriously, folks -- it's a terrible, awful, scab of a movie with virtually no redeeming qualities. I failed miserably in my first attempt at watching this monstrosity, and the second attempt took approximately 3 weeks' worth of concerted effort on my part.

So, was it worth it? Hells, yeah! But I'm a sucker for punishment...

"Joining an occult study group - me and my big ideas!"
Faux Frank Zappa


DEVIL MASTER Image Gallery on Kitty's Flickr

1/5 Kitty Skulls = Somebody should have turned the hose on this movie's parents!

Thanks to Karswell for delivering this diabolical dilly unto me!

Happy Birthday, Poison Ivy Rorschach

A very special baby girl was delivered unto this Earth in Sacramento, California on this day in 1953. The babe's parents named her Kristina Marlana Wallace, but you can call her Poison Ivy.

Poison Ivy Rorschach is easily one of the hottest women in music. For the last 3 decades, she has been rockin' n' shockin' onstage with psychobilly pioneers The Cramps, alongside her larger than life husband, Lux Interior. Sadly, when Lux departed this mortal coil on February 4, 2009, he took the future of The Cramps with him. Now that the irreplaceable frontman is gone (but never forgotten), the amplifiers have fallen silent, the drum beat no longer keeps time, and the adoring fans stand perfectly still before the stage.

Thank gods for the 15 album legacy The Cramps were thoughtful enough to leave behind.

Bonne fête, Poison Ivy... Rock n' Roll Goddess.

Claws of Horror [1954]

Gather 'round the fire (okay, so it's a lighter), and familiarize yourselves with the LeClaw family secret: humanoid vampire cats!!! The dashing American explorer could never have anticipated the fur-raising fate that awaited him when he wished to be bound by love to Grandmother Elise "forever."

CLAWS OF HORROR was plucked from Horrific #9, published way back in 1952. Killer Kittens was able to post this classic romantic spine-chiller thanks to the always-generous longboxes of Karswell -- Host Utmost of the Rondo-nominated The Horrors of it All. From now until February 22, THOIA is serving up tales from the Horrific series, so git on over while the eatins are still warm! Why not begin the meal with A GLIMPSE OF THE PIT?

"Let the claws take effect!"

7th Annual Rondo Hatton Classic Horror Awards

It's that time again, spooky kittens! Ballots for the 7th Annual Rondo Hatton Classic Horror Awards are now being collected, so now is your chance to toss your two cents into the wishing well, and see what happens!

I could never forgive myself if I didn't mention that The Horrors of it All (Super Friend of Killer Kittens From Beyond The Grave) has been nominated in the Best Horror Blog category. THOIA fans, don't delay! Cast your vote today! I can't think of a better way to say "thank you" to Karswell for toiling away the hours in bringing us the very best in pre-code horror comics each and every day!

The Rondo Polling Stations will be open until midnight on March 21, 2009, and the winners will be announced the following day. Please don't be put off by the massive ballot, as participants are not required to vote in every category.

Happy Friday the 13th!

Rockin' Bones: Remembering Lux Interior

I first read the news about Lux Interior's death on The Daily Swarm, in an article passed along to me by Karswell. Was it true, or was it a hoax? Rumours of the tall drink of strychnine's death had circulated before, after all, and history has shown that it takes very little effort to spread lies on the Internet. Dedicated fans seemed reluctant to believe what they had read, and said as much in their commentary. The fact that no other media sources had reported the news gave many of us reason to hope that it wasn't true.

Girlie Action, media reps for The Cramps, confirmed the death of the music icon hours later in this official statement (peeled from The Daily Swarm):


For Immediate Release:February 4, 2009

Lux Interior, lead singer of The Cramps, passed away this morning due to an existing heart condition at Glendale Memorial Hospital in Glendale, California at 4:30 AM PST today. Lux has been an inspiration and influence to millions of artists and fans around the world. He and wife Poison Ivy’s contributions with The Cramps have had an immeasurable impact on modern music.

The Cramps emerged from the original New York punk scene of CBGB and Max’s Kansas City, with a singular sound and iconography. Their distinct take on rockabilly and surf along with their midnight movie imagery reminded us all just how exciting, dangerous, vital and sexy rock and roll should be and has spawned entire subcultures. Lux was a fearless frontman who transformed every stage he stepped on into a place of passion, abandon, and true freedom. He is a rare icon who will be missed dearly.

The family requests that you respect their privacy during this difficult time.

How is one supposed to feel when one of their heroes passes on? Among the myriad of emotions moving through me now, I can't help but feel just a little bit older today. If anybody could have cracked the immortality code, I thought for sure it would have been Lux. The Cramps had been playing music since before I was born, and throughout their legendary career, they seemed ageless. The music they played with such conviction and vigor was timeless. A classic performer like Lux Interior doesn't come around very often. We were all lucky to have known him through his art.

Anopsia Radio is making the Internet a spookier place today, as they will be pumping out tunes from The Cramps repertoire all day, in honour of Lux's monumental contributions.

Bay Cove aka Bay Coven [1987]

Caution: Spoilers Galore

What would you say if I told you there was a film that starred Woody Harrelson, Barbara Billingsley*, Jeff Conaway**, and Susan Ruttan***, and that it was about a coven of witches who traded their souls to the Devil for immortality? Do you think that you could handle it? Are you sure? Really?

When I was but a kitten, I got my paws on a VHS bootleg of BAY COVE, a made-for-TV thriller which had been scoffed from Lifetime by a schoolmate of mine. The camera follows an old man as he ambles through a graveyard, and into an impressive cathedral, lit brightly from the inside like a gleaming beacon of salvation. Once inside, the old man begs the attending priest to hear his confession, and to grant him eternal peace. The repenting man releases few details, yet he hints at something powerful, and daunting on the horizon, and then... he is dead. The church is struck by lightning, and the priest goes flying. Talk about one hell of an opening scene!





At this point, the film takes a drastic turn, from Exploding Church Avenue to Yuppie Boulevard. The viewer is introduced to Linda and Jerry Lebon, two up-and-coming newlyweds looking to add some spontenaity to their lives. Linda (Pamela Sue Martin) is a real estate lawyer who just received a big promotion, and Jerry (Tim Matheson) is a desk-bound property developer who misses getting his hands dirty working in the field. When their buddy Slater (Woody Harrelson) drops by the chic, city loft for a visit, they decide to hit a club together, in celebration of Linda's career boon.

"I sure wish I had some Vicodin..."

Inside the club, the viewer gets a sampling of the film's emotionally jarring original soundtrack, along with the mind-blowing star power BAY COVE boasts. The Three Yuppie Amigos meet up with Debbie (Susan Ruttan) and Josh (Jeff Conaway) McGwin, a couple of about the same age who can't seem to stop talking about the beautiful "fixer-upper" they purchased 40 minutes from the city by ferry, on the remote but lovely Devlin Island. While Jerry is fascinated by the prospect of getting away from the rat race, Linda is unconvinced. At last, she agrees to go with him to meet the McGwin's real estate broker.

True to their new friends' words, Devlin Island is beautiful, and definitely remote. The house they are shown, located within a small community called Bay Cove, is truly the material from which fairy tales are made. There is, however, one small glitch: the owner of the house is an old woman who has grown too attached to the place to leave altogether, so she will be living in a small cottage in the backyard. Beatrice Gower (Barbara Billingsley) is a handsome woman; her mouth overflowing with shiny teeth, and sickly sweetness. How could anyone not want June Cleaver for a nosey neighbour? The Lebons put in an offer on the property, and move in immediately.




And then, shit starts to get weird. First, it's the rather Satanically-themed book Linda finds, which apparently belonged to Beatrice's husband, James. Next, there's the Cat People: Nick and Maddy Kline, who are sweet and kind, but make it perfectly clear that the Lebons' mini-canine, Rufus, will not be tolerated on the Island. Nick (James Sikking) always wears the same, crap-chewin' grin (and a bowtie!), while Maddy (Inga Swenson) does all but lift her leg and lick her butt with a scratchy tongue. And, is it paranoia, or do the Klines wear a concerning amount of black clothing? Then, there's the Emergency Rosary Linda finds tucked beneath a board in the windowseat. Last, but definitely not least, there's the old man in the window! The old man in the window! Oh, my God! It's an old man in the window!

While out on an exploratory walk with their new best buddies, the McGwins, Linda shakes loose some of her concerns about the inhabitants of the Island. She spills her guts to Debbie, who insists that "the Klines aren't the only thing that's weird around here." To make matters worse, the Getalong Gang "accidentally" uncover a secret, Satanic cave in the basement of the Devlin Island General Store, which is hands-down the most unsettling bodega I've ever seen.

"Don't look, Rufus. This text is too Satanic for you!"

The Getalong Gang has entered the historic site of the last known witch execution in the United States, where a coven leader named Lucas Nobel was put to death for his choosing of the Left Hand Path. Sparks (almost literally) fly when Jerry reaches out a hand to touch the stake. The coulda-been orgy is brought to an abrupt end when the foul-looking shopkeeper shoos them away for looking at the Devil Shit without paying the $2 fare. But the afternoon really goes into the toilet when the Lebons learn that their beloved dog, Rufus, has been "accidentally" run over by the Kline Mobile.

Now, everyone knows that the best way to grieve the loss of a pet is to host an official Housewarming Party, and the Lebons do just that. The guestlist includes all the creeps and crazies they now live amongst, and their friend Slater from the city. Linda gushes to Slater about all the strange things that had happened to her since she moved to the Island, who resolves to have a look around the place in order to soothe her. He uncovers The Plot of the Very Old Tombstones, and becomes highly suspicious himself. Why hasn't anyone been buried there in 300 years? Why is Linda with that flake Jerry, when she could be with a real man in Harry Potter glasses, and a red scarf with matching cap?

Before Slater heroically solves any mysteries, however. he is called away to see his mother in the hospital. To make the ferry, he must borrow the Klines' Jeep, and it's vroooooooooooooooom! right off a cliff, and kaboooooooooooooom! Slater's dead. God, what a waste.

Harry Potter and the Invisible Highway

After Slater's death, Jerry grows even more distant, and takes a much less active roll in his appearance and hygeine. Linda's last sanctuary is taken from her when her boss at the firm re-assigns her to work on a new zoning project, full-time. The location: Devlin Island!!! Finally, Linda grows suspicious enough about the Island to do something besides bitch and moan. She goes to speak with Bob Holden, the broker who sold them the property. In his place, she finds only Tom Holden, a much older man who looks nothing like the one they dealt with. Even the business card she was given now says "Tom Holden." But...? WTF?

Linda begins to discover that things on Devlin Island are not always what they seem. She goes on a midnight excursion to the old man in the window's lair, in the attic of Nick and Maddy's house. He gestures to her, and she goes to him, as Jerry doesn't appear to be putting out much of the good stuff anymore. Wheelchair Geezer reveals to Linda a most evil, and cunning plot of witchcraft and sacrifice! All the inhabitants of the Island were in on it together, and he feared for her safety.

"A true witch is born, not made!"

Linda has heard enough. She tries to escape the Island before it's too late, but the ferry breaks down, and she is then encircled by the coven. Instead of carving her right there on the spot with their sacrificial knives, they shoot her up with something to make her sleep. She awakens in her own bed, beautifully decked out in her red party dress. The occasion? The return of the coven's leader, Lucas Nobel, in the form of her husband, Jerry Lebon. Nobel/Lebon... Lebon/Nobel...

Jerry Lebon is Lucas Nobel!!! OMG!!!

"We've waited nearly 300 years for him to
return to us, and now, the coven is complete."

The old man was right, they were all in on it together! And, what's more, they intended to sacrifice Linda at the stroke of midnight to re-affirm their pact with Satan, which was at risk of being broken after Beatrice's husband, James, repented in the house of God. The old man from the opening scene! Now, it's all coming together!

Somehow, Linda is able to convince Jerry to repent as well (these part-time Satanic cultists are a dime a dozen), and then uses him as a decoy to trap the coven inside the church. Looking svelte in their flowing black robes, the coven members fight to free themselves from Holy Prison, but it is of no use; their fate is to become the main course in the biggest demonic fry-up in Devlin Island's history. Did anybody remember to bring dinner rolls?

In the final scene of the film (which I never had on my TV bootleg), Linda is pictured taking leave of the island in a row boat, looking stunned and disheveled. Now, why didn't she think of that sooner?





BAY COVE is what it is: a made-for-TV horror pic that reeked of 1987. While Ronnie Regan was undergoing prostate surgery, the Unabomber was in full swing, and The Simpsons were making their first appearance on TV's The Tracy Ullman Show, Barbie B. and the gang were running around in dark robes, making a movie about witchcraft that would be forgotten by most, if ever seen at all.

What puzzles me now, after more than 20 years of careful contemplation, is how Director Carl Schenkel was able to convince cast members to lend their moderate amount of star power to Tim Kring's over-the-top, under-developed brainchild?

Two words: Drug Money.

Ridiculous? Yes. Laughably dated? Yes, that too. Forgettable? Never!

BAY COVE Gallery on Kitty's Flickr

3/5 Kitty Skulls = Belle of the Bargain Bin!


___________________________________________
* You know, June Cleaver... Wally and the Beav's Mom.
** You know, Celebrity Rehab's favourite repeat offender.
*** You know, the totally spaced-out redhead on LA LAW.

A thousand thank-yews to Stephen for ensuring that childhood horror memories don't turn to forgotten dust in my brain. xXx

Coven by Plastic Crimewave

Yesterday, while I was trauling the net in search of material for an upcoming post (prepare for awesome), I stumbled upon the artwork of Steve Krakow; in particular, his series entitled: The Secret History of Chicago Music. Posters from the series are featured in The Chicago Reader, and listeners can hear it on the Nick Digilio Show on WGN 720.

Given my propensity for all things occult, naturally, I liked the feature he did on COVEN, reportedly the first band to rock out in the name of Satan. Their claims to fame include: the first-ever use of the "devil horns" hand signal; the first recording of an authentic Black Mass**; and blonde bombshell Jinx Dawson, vocalist and student of both opera and Satanism.

Krakow (aka Plastic Crimewave) also produces Galactic Zoo, "a hand drawn psychedelic magazine occasional published since 1995 by Plastic Crimewave, and has been published by the good folks at Drag City since 2001. The mags originally came with cassettes and posters, but current issues come with a CD compilation of rare sounds and trading card sets of damaged guitar gods and astral folk maidens.*"


* Source: The Homeplace of Plastic Crimewave, Galactic Zoo Dossier

** "Satanic Mass" is 13 minutes in length, and can be found on their debut album, Witchcraft Destroys Minds and Reaps Souls (1969)

The Horrors of it All Rules x 1000!

The coolest, creepiest pre-code comics blog on the net, The Horrors of it All, is celebrating it's 1000th post! If you love darkness, and death, and demons, and depravity (who doesn't?), get thyself to THOIA Tomb, and wish Karswell many happily-posted returns!

Monsieur Karswell is celebrating in style, with a 1947 retelling of the great Edgar Allan Poe's THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER. Helpful hint: this atmospheric tale reads even better with King Diamond's Buried Alive playing in the background.

The Black Cat [1963]

Killer Kittens From Beyond The Grave is getting into The Horrors of it All's week-long celebration of Edgar Allan Poe's 200th birthday (January 19, 1809) with both paws!

Courtesy of The Karswell Longboxes, feast your hungry eyes upon THE BLACK CAT, lovingly lifted from TALES OF TERROR, Dell's 1963 comic book adaptation of TALES OF TERROR, Roger Corman's 1962 film adaptation (starring the irreplaceable Vincent Price) of Poe's original works. There's a whole lotta love (and linkage) up in here alla-a-sudden!

This story perfectly illustrates merely one of the many reasons why it's just not a good idea to mess with a cat person. Enjoy!